A Shaggydog Story

A SHAGGYDOG STORY

Once upon a time in the Land of Make Believe there was a special breed of animal called a Shaggydog. Many people had Shaggydogs and loved them and cared for them. And they liked to have competitions with the Shaggydogs to find out which was the fastest or bravest or most agile or most obedient or most beautiful. And some of the Shaggydog carers were also the people who judged at those competitions.
In this Land of Make Believe there was one carer called Clundia who was also a judge and she had many Shaggydogs. Some of these were her own and some belonged to other people. One of these was called Pirate. Pirate, while very beautiful and obedient, was quite a nervous Shaggydog. So whenever he went to a show he would travel with a little Shaggydog called Harri Whodeeni. Now Harri was a very naughtly little Shaggydog and was always escaping. Now there are some things that are not good for little Shaggydogs to eat as it makes them feel very sore in their tootsies. But Harri escaped and ate some of the forbidden food so Clundia gave Harri a medicine called Etub in his food. Later Pirate, a very greedy Shaggydog, managed to get to Harri’s food bowl and licked it clean.
Later that day at the Royal Ablution and Occidental Show, wonder of wonders, Pirate won his competition. But lo, the powers that be decreed that Pirate must be tested to see if he had been given anything untoward and Clundia cried “Woe is me, for I know that Pirate hath licked the bowl of the Harri and I will be undone.”
And so it proved to be for many weeks later Clundia received a letter from the Sporting Shaggydog Kennel Club. And despite Clundia’s explanation of the mishap and a letter from her vet to the SSKC stating that Pirate had never been prescribed Etub as he had no need of it, the SSKC ordained that Clundia must pay them 1,000 pieces of silver, return the trophies and also pay for the analysis of the sample.
Clundia gave them their money and asked the SSKC to leave it at that and not to publicise her mistake. To which they sort of agreed.
So Clundia was very uspset when she was contacted by the Shaggydog and Bitch magazine for more information. And Clundia told them of her sin of omission and explained how it had happened.
And S&B went ahead and published an article and Clundia was even more upset when they titled their article in a way so as to suggest that she had deliberately doped Pirate.
Worse was to follow for Clundia was due to judge at the Shaggydog of the Year Show. Under the circumstances Clundia contacted the SOYS and asked if she should stand down. No, they said, it’s fine by us. So it was with some surprise that Clundia then had a call from someone many thousands of miles away in the Land of Make Believe asking if it was true that she was no longer judging. But Clundia had heard nothing. And then she heard from other people saying that they had received letters saying that Clundia had been supplanted as judge. But Clundia still had heard nothing. But it turned out it was true but still there was no letter to Clundia. Much later there was a phone call and many weasely words were spoken. Oh yes they agreed the sin had not been deliberate and that she was a very good and honest person and yes that lick of the Etub contaminated bowl would not have made a half-pennyworth of difference to Pirate’s performance but we can’t let you judge, just think what some people might say about the SOYS. Oh how brave, how courageous and yet how utterly spineless.
But the fates were not yet finished with Clundia and they continued to pile Pelion on Ossa. Clundia was to have been a supervisor at the Nodla Shaggydog Trials and Clundia was told it would not be suitable for her to be allowed to do so and she was stood down
And then the ShaggyPuppy Club wrote and said it would be inappropriate for her to judge or assess at their gatherings.
The moral of this Shaggydog story is that from little acorns great oaks do indeed grow.
So, for the sake of your own sanity and reputation, do not let your Shaggydog lick a little Shaggydog’s bowl for out of the woodwork will come all sorts of snide, bitchy, lowlife creatures desperate to do you down.
And that, dear reader, is the sad state of our modern world.